Scientists Create Fat Monkeys

Bad fats make you fat fast! Gaunt, baldie scientists in North Carolina fed evil trans-fats to monkeys over six years and found they got fatter than their polyunsaturate-scoffing test buddies. Even though both sets of primates consumed the same amount of calories.

“We were shocked," said lardmongering science representative Ms Kylie Kavanagh. "Despite all our enormous efforts to make sure they didn’t gain weight, they still did. And most of that weight ended up on their tummies. This is walking them straight down the path to diabetes.”
'Enormous efforts to make sure they didn't gain weight' our collective arse. Six years they were on this diet. SIX YEARS. If someone put us in a cage for six years and only fed us Ginsters, we'd… we'd… develop a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome probably.