You Must Be Coking

On the side of US bottles of Coca-Cola: “Coca-Cola is a low sodium product.“

Oh, really, Coca-Cola? Cheers for that! Cheers for taking the time to remove all that salt from your sweet brown-flavoured drink! What did it taste like before, Bovril*?

This is ridiculous. Coke gets zero points for pointing this non-fact out. Other spurious feel-good pronouncements Coke might like to make on the side of their bottles:

Coca-Cola – uranium-free since 1927.

The only cola that’s guaranteed HIV-negative!

While Coca-Cola does not protect from lion attacks, it is extremely unlikely you will get attacked by lions while drinking this product. The Coca-Cola Company provides this service at no extra cost to you, the consumer. Please avoid lions when drinking Coca-Cola.

*Bovril is named after a science fiction energy source. No shit. More later.

It’s a Coke Zero TAST!*

We trialled the new Coke Zero with a panel of double blinded (ouch) independent reviewers. Just like a traditional Pepsi challenge but without blindfolds. Or Pepsi.

Three innocent-looking glasses held Full Fat Coke, Diet Coke and futuristic Coke Zero. Swigs were taken, lives were changed. Full results after this bit!

*TASTE + TEST lolz shit sorry.