So will you die?

In the hysteria around the CHICKEN AIDS epidemic, it seems that punters are thinking about staying away from Bernard Matthew’s turkey products so they won’t be infected with CHICKEN AIDS too. None of the man’s food has been recalled so far, but the plucky – hah! – East Anglian is set to suffer from a lack of people prepared to die for the sake of sweet, sweet turkey ham. So does avian influenza actually kill you through the medium of the golden drummer?
This BBC website page has a sensible list of questions. Cooking kills the virus and therefore any precooked meat is fine to eat.

The verdict: Eat of the processed turkey. There’s no danger! Until we hear better. And then it’ll be too late.

Freddo the Frog has an STD

…Or at least his cheap-ass chocolate may give you salmonella.

The recent Cadbury's salmonellagate – a waste pipe dripping into the chocolate crumb tanks, essentially – doesn't seem to be causing too much panic, but questions are being raised about why this was spotted in February and not revealed to the public until now. 

All the stocks in Cadbury's recall should be out of UK and Ireland shops now – why not tell us if you still see them around?