You Must Be Coking

On the side of US bottles of Coca-Cola: “Coca-Cola is a low sodium product.“

Oh, really, Coca-Cola? Cheers for that! Cheers for taking the time to remove all that salt from your sweet brown-flavoured drink! What did it taste like before, Bovril*?

This is ridiculous. Coke gets zero points for pointing this non-fact out. Other spurious feel-good pronouncements Coke might like to make on the side of their bottles:

Coca-Cola – uranium-free since 1927.

The only cola that’s guaranteed HIV-negative!

While Coca-Cola does not protect from lion attacks, it is extremely unlikely you will get attacked by lions while drinking this product. The Coca-Cola Company provides this service at no extra cost to you, the consumer. Please avoid lions when drinking Coca-Cola.

*Bovril is named after a science fiction energy source. No shit. More later.