Wal-Mart steals the Smiley

As you may have read, ASDA’s parent company Wal-Mart are seeking to prevent anyone else using the yellow smiley face symbol. They’ve been using it since, oh, 1996, you see. That’s WAAAAAAY before anyone else.

Can you imagine the implications this has for society? Find out after the break.

Supermeerkat!

There's a staggering dearth of animal mascotry for supermarkets in the UK. Toys 'Ř' Us has Geoffrey the gay giraffe. Frosties has Tony the gay tiger. Supermarkets got diddly. We fix this RIGHT NOW.

Asda Walmart
If you enter your local Asda to find they're asking you to supply your own in-store lighting and all the crisps only come in bags the size of Wales, blame US supergiantmegastore Walmart. Famously pennypinching they are.
THE WINNER IS: Brad the Asda Walmart Desert Eagle

Tesco
Tesco have so much money that they can afford for any animal, living, dead, real or fictional, to pimp for them. Perhaps the reanimated corpse of Shergar. Being ridden by H G Wells. "Rraargh! Every little helps!"
THE WINNER IS: Bambi

Sainsbury's
Oh, Sainsbury's, once-proud king of the jungle, now an evolutionary throwback. Definitely the sasquatch or the trilobite.
THE WINNER IS: Simon the Sainsbury's Sasquatch. Badly drawn and frankly vapid.

Morrisons
Something pikey and generic like a normal dog. Safeway was a daddy long legs that got eaten by the dog.
THE WINNER IS: Alf the Dog

Waitrose
A borzoi or a mink. A posh goose or a vietnamese pot-bellied pig or something endangered.
THE WINNER IS: Johnny Lewis, the ethically sourced bird of paradise.