Scoff Off!

Scoffology has moved to Blogger. Yes, it’s the opposite way round to what most people are doing. But most people don’t consider Ginster’s Buffet Bars to be the mythical fifth food group.

Anyway, we’re now at www.scoffology.com. Yeah, all posh like. Come and visit. You have nothing to lose but your precious time. (So make sure you look while you’re at work.)

Jammie Dodgers Shed the Fat

Well done clever clever Burton’s! The UK’s second-biggest biscuit maker has ditched all trans fats. Mind you, most of Burton’s biccies are layered with indecently thick chocolate, so don’t expect your cholesterol levels to dive just because you’re eating one Burton’s a day as if they were Yakult. Okay?

Update: We heard better.

Well, okay, we heard different. Now it seems that the meat Bernard Matthews imported from Hungary could be to blame. The beeb are now saying that nobody knows how chicken AIDS made it to our shores. Could it be the Hungarian Mystery Meat? Or the Rogue Woodpigeon Through the Airduct? Or Reverend Green with the Spanner in the Closet? Who knows? Not us!

So the, uh, new verdict is – legally Bernard seems to be covered. But legal won’t stop you dying from bird flu. But there’s no risk. But there might be. But there probably isn’t. Aarrgh!

January Food News: There is no food news

Because in January, people don’t eat nice food. They turn into good little oat-munching anomalies for the month, forswearing everything beautiful in the world.

Er. Here’s a picture of a crocodile!

THIS IS THE PART WHERE THE WRAP BREAKS DOWN.

The Scoffology Monday rant: Wraps can fuck off to space forever.

It’s like eating a bit of damp custard skin that’s clammy like the grave, you know? Ruining all the niceness inside of it. And what about that nasty scrungy bit at the bottom of the wrap, where there’s only wrap and nothing else? And you eat it anyway because your life is so shit?

Don’t get us wrong, we ain’t tortilla hataz. There’s nothing wrong with a fresh warm wrap filled with delicious squidgy things by your own two hands, at home or in the restaurant.

But putting it in a refrigerated casket and leaving it to dissolve under flourescent lights – that’s like putting Pinocchio in a cage*. It’s like that bit in The Dark Crystal where that little Podling guy there gets drained of its life. It’s like SIX KINDS OF BAD SHIT.

See?
*Did they put Pinocchio in a cage? We can’t remember. We’re just glad we remembered the extra C in Pinocchio. And if we got that wrong then we just don’t care.

Fact-U-Like of the day 26/6/06

 
Contrary to popular belief, Gelatin isn't made from cow hooves. Not usually, anyway. It's mostly made of pig and cow skins and bones! It also has its own E number, E441, so food companies can slip it into your trifle without you knowing. Bad food companies!

It’s a Coke Zero TAST!*

We trialled the new Coke Zero with a panel of double blinded (ouch) independent reviewers. Just like a traditional Pepsi challenge but without blindfolds. Or Pepsi.

Three innocent-looking glasses held Full Fat Coke, Diet Coke and futuristic Coke Zero. Swigs were taken, lives were changed. Full results after this bit!

*TASTE + TEST lolz shit sorry.

Fact-U-Like of the day 22/6/06

Mr Peanut was invented by a 14 year old boy as part of a 'create a mascot' competition. So why hasn't he got DD breasts, twin Uzis, a gold tooth and l33t spellcastng powrs? Because it was in 1916, that's why, jesus.